You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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