I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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