i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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