Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize