I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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