She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
