I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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