party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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