Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
