Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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