trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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