Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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