My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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