I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
