grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
