I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
