Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
