Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize