Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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