I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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