Come see our sink grown plant.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
