Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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