I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize