Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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