It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
