He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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