I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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