I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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