If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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