Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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