I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
