it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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