dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
