Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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