I wish my penis had an off switch
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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