i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
