woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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