dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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