Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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