I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
