You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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