She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
