The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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