You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
