Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
