I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
