The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
