i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
