You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
