3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
