I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
