he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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