And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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