i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
