That's intense
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
