my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
