btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
