I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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