Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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