i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
