you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
