Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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