why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
