Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
