That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
