I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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