1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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