if i can run in heels then i can drive
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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